Little People and Pink iPods

I think I may be going to hell after today. I swear, just when I think I've become so well adjusted and in control that I can act with grace in any given situation, something happens. Or the perfect opportunity arises to spew something embarrassing in front of masses of people. Or, for example, I'm sitting at the bar eating my lunch and a totally tough looking snowboarder dude walks in and sits down beside me, plopping his hot pink iPod down on the bar next to him. Then, when I'm politely refraining from even thinking of commenting, a midget sits down on the other side. Total comedy overload.

It almost sounds like the beginning of a cliche joke. A midget, a gay snowboarder, and a mormon walk into a bar... then I realize, what kind of a horrible, insensitive person am I!!!? I haven't said anything rude, stared, avoided, or done anything out of the ordinary, but suddenly I feel like a total, well, prick for even thinking about the possibility that these people are in some way funny.

Then suddenly, just as I'm about to abandon all control and choose the lesser of the two cliches and forever damn myself to insensitivity and crassness by demeaning this poor guy's iPod, the midget pipes up next to me, "Hey buddy, did you have to borrow that from your sister or are you just into breast cancer awareness?" I chortled into my Coke. "Actually, it matches my snowboard." joked the boarder. Man, I realized, I'm out of my league here.

Now I have two new friends, Chad the midget and Nick the macho snowboarder who loves the color pink. Is there anything more random than that? And yes, I probably will go to hell.

Who will miss me?

Who will miss me when I'm gone?
Who will tell them they were wrong,
When they said I wasn't tough,
Couldn't stand to be enough?
Who will say "She didn't do
Anything we told her to"?
Who will notice what I missed
Just to be a part of this?
Who will keep a part of me
After I have ceased to be
Out of sight and out of mind?
What lessons have I left behind?
Who has felt a change of heart,
One that will keep once we're apart?
Have I made a difference in
The lives of those who never win?
Have I made ripples you can see?

When I'm gone, will you miss me?

Naughty or Nice? How about Nicety?

I got really bored and took this quiz. It made me laugh hysterically. If only they knew...

Are you Naughty or Nice?

You're Pretty Tame
Most people think you're as good as gold. We know better. Sure, you're generally a by-the-book, law-abiding model citizen, but every once in a while you like to break a rule or three. Skinny dipping? Done it. Had a drink too many now and then? Guilty as charged. But chances are that's pretty much the worst of it. We all have a few skeletons in our closet, but when it comes right down to it, you're a nice person. You wouldn't dream of making a serious play for your best friend's squeeze, and you always pay your traffic fines — speeding and parking tickets. It's a good balance. If everyone was like you, the world would be a happier place, so keep it up!

Hehehehehehehe. Hehehe. He.

Rant of the Weak

Consider this permanent state of digression. Why can't I just become more effective, more energetic, more beautiful, more happy, more confident, more kind, as life goes on? Why do I feel like I'm sinking and no one cares? Everyone in my immediate area code is driving me insane, and everyone else is too far away to hear me screaming.

You know what? I've gotta do the Hokey Pokey.

[10 minutes later] I don't feel perfect now, but I do feel a whole lot better. Oh yeah, I almost forgot. Rant. Rant Rant rant rant rant Rant RANT. Rant.
(Sigh)...

Answers to the Uncomfortably Frank Survey...

1. Who is your favorite singer? Currently Alexz Johnson, although Jack Johnson is high up there.

2. Did you watch Dancing With the Stars, and if so, do you now wish that you had ballroom moves? Oh, definitely yes. I also developed a crush on Drew Lachey.

3. Scariest childhood memory? When I thought that I was lost on a family camping trip. I planned on living off of berries and leaves for months, but there weren't any berries.

4. The time where you felt the most like a total bad*ss? When I told off this guy at a concert for groping my friend, and he was like five times my size.

5. What color is your favorite underwear? Muppets.

6. What's the meanest thing you've ever done? In seventh grade I kicked a girl because she liked my boyfriend.

7. Most embarrassing moment ever? Pictures at a gas station somewhere in Colorado, while changing oil.

8. Ever told someone something untrue because you wanted to impress them? Yes, or because I don't want them to know my true identity.

9. Wierdest dream you can remember having? Giant dead birds falling all around me, and a hut with a witch in it who ate children. That was last night.

10. Have any family members who you wish were not related to you? Sometimes my grandparents.

11. Ever been fired? I like to think of it as being "redistributed". And no, I haven't.

12. Middle name? Lorraine

13. Now what's your real middle name? (i.e. Danger, Awesome, Nancy?) Von Awesome III

14. Wierdest place you ever thought about the opposite sex? The dentist chair.

15. Ever driven without a license? For about three months when the Oregon DMV still had it.

16. Do you mispell words on purpose? Only for comedic effect.

17. Ever cheated on a test? Not that I recall, unless you count helping someone else in the third grade because they couldn't spell.

18. What is the worst freudian slip you've ever had? The time I said "You want me so bad." instead of "You want me to work so bad." to Dave.

19. What is the thing that you love about yourself the most? (It's ok. Be arrogant.) I like my wit, when it serves me.

20. If you had to choose between being committed into a mental institution or going to prison, which would you prefer? I guess that depends. Would I have a roomate?

21. Ever laughed at something that was morbidly wrong? My friend Chris Benson was constantly morbid, and yes, I laughed.

22. Would you have done the same thing as the Enron guy, if you could've gotten away with it? No, I probably wouldn't have been ruthless enough to think of that. A kick me sign was the best I could do.

23. Do you find the following things funny or unfunny:

24. Old people? Sometimes funny.

25. Slapstick comedy? Unfunny.

26. Mad TV? Unfunny.

27. Animal shows? Unfunny. And overdone.

28. Standup? SO funny.

29. Dave Chapelle? Occasionally funny.

30. Puns? Only late at night funny.

31. Freakish accidents? How freakish? Funny.

32. Racist jokes? Unfunny.

33. Incontinence? (Look it up if you have to) Funny if it isn't me.

34. Violent behavior? Unfunny.

35. Your Mom jokes? Always funny.

36. Random daily life situations? Funny.

37. Vandalism? Sometimes funny.

38. Misdemeanor crimes? Stick it to the man funny.

39. I Love Lucy? Unfunny.

40. Monkey bites? Unfunny.

41. Do you ever wonder if your life has a greater purpose? Every day.

42. Would you care if your life did have a greater purpose? Unless the purpose was martyrdom, then yes I would very much care.

43. Would you ever consider working at Wal-mart? Absolutely. Not.

44. Could you live in a foreign country without first learning the language? Heck yes. I would communicate through grunts and gestures.

45. If you were a prisoner about to be executed, what would your last request be? Can someone please spoon with me?

46. Did you play with dolls as a child? Yes.

47. What is your fondest wish? To live happily ever after and affect others positively.

48. Would you be a spy if you could be? Oh my gosh, yes.

49. If you could give yourself a Mafia gangster name, what would it be? Ronny " The Vendetta" Vespucci.

50. Who is John Gault anyway? Ask Nicole.

Blechh. I feel ga-ross. I have sacrificed my personal well-being for the sake of honor and responsibility, and I'm really kind of annoyed about it. Today, I got up at seven thirty to get ready for work, knowing full well that I would rather die. I came in on time, opened the store, and was cheerful and plucky to everyone that passed (nevermind that I sounded rather more like a derranged snot monster than my real self) successfully boosting sales.

Now I want to kill someone.

I am not one of those people that deals well with illness, as those who know me might have noticed. Whenever I begin to get sick, it is pretty easy to tell because, even before my actual symptoms emerge I get really pissed off at everything. I hate being sick. It makes me feel weak, useless, and I always feel like I have no excuse to stop working just as hard because I feel kinda yucky. Other people, I'm certain, look at my sickness in the same way - as no excuse. Especially when one has as much to be done as I have to do. I'm more likely to give myself a day off because I work hard and deserve it than because I'm sick. Taking a sick day just feels like groveling, in some way. So as a result, I tend to keep working even though it makes me miserable, and only complain about the fact that I hate sickness. Never once today did I mention that I might like to leave and go home, and it was not offered. Although it was apparent in my voice and sporadic phlegm noises that I might not be top shape, no one asked if I was feeling unwell. Kanchana even remarked that the only thing she had noticed was that I seemed rather more pissed off than usual. Not that I'm ever usually pissed off, but that just goes to show how much I hate being sick.

Her comment did cause me to wonder a bit, though: Does the way I deal with my own weakness (mercilessly, and without pity) cause others to view me differently? If I was less tough maybe and cried more, or complained more, or asked for help more, would people be more likely to want to comfort me, protect me, and offer to help me in times of struggle? Do I put off some vibe like "I don't need you, I'm fine." that causes others to leave me to deal on my own, no matter how unmatched the battle? Maybe I need to stop being so tough and ask for help one of these times, because so far no one has realized I might need some. And sometimes, I really do.

My Computer is EVIL.

Dang it, why is it that every time I try to fix something myself, it always gets more broken than before? I'm not a retard, I promise. But I did something wrong to my computer and now it won't let me in. Does anyone know how to fix this?

Here's what I did:
-First, I didn't like how every time I turned on the computer it made me enter my password (it's a laptop, so I'm the only one to use it) so I went into User Settings and made it not a password protected account.
-Then, I didn't like how it kept making me click my username to get onto the desktop, because every time the screen saver would come on I would have to click in again. So I just deleted the welcome screen feature, and I deleted this other random account that was called "Machine 2" or something (which I was pretty sure I had not installed).
-But now, however, I can't get my computer to let me on it. Every time I turn it on it says "This computer has been locked by user" and it makes me put in a password. The problem is, NONE OF MY PASSWORDS WILL WORK!!! I can't fathom what the password could possibly be, and so every attempt tells me I can't log in. This upsets me, as I'm pretty sure I brought it upon myself and I cannot see any possible way to bypass the hated screen.

WILL SOMEBODY PLEASE HELP ME??? Ayuda me por favor...