Answers to the Uncomfortably Frank Survey...

1. Who is your favorite singer? Currently Alexz Johnson, although Jack Johnson is high up there.

2. Did you watch Dancing With the Stars, and if so, do you now wish that you had ballroom moves? Oh, definitely yes. I also developed a crush on Drew Lachey.

3. Scariest childhood memory? When I thought that I was lost on a family camping trip. I planned on living off of berries and leaves for months, but there weren't any berries.

4. The time where you felt the most like a total bad*ss? When I told off this guy at a concert for groping my friend, and he was like five times my size.

5. What color is your favorite underwear? Muppets.

6. What's the meanest thing you've ever done? In seventh grade I kicked a girl because she liked my boyfriend.

7. Most embarrassing moment ever? Pictures at a gas station somewhere in Colorado, while changing oil.

8. Ever told someone something untrue because you wanted to impress them? Yes, or because I don't want them to know my true identity.

9. Wierdest dream you can remember having? Giant dead birds falling all around me, and a hut with a witch in it who ate children. That was last night.

10. Have any family members who you wish were not related to you? Sometimes my grandparents.

11. Ever been fired? I like to think of it as being "redistributed". And no, I haven't.

12. Middle name? Lorraine

13. Now what's your real middle name? (i.e. Danger, Awesome, Nancy?) Von Awesome III

14. Wierdest place you ever thought about the opposite sex? The dentist chair.

15. Ever driven without a license? For about three months when the Oregon DMV still had it.

16. Do you mispell words on purpose? Only for comedic effect.

17. Ever cheated on a test? Not that I recall, unless you count helping someone else in the third grade because they couldn't spell.

18. What is the worst freudian slip you've ever had? The time I said "You want me so bad." instead of "You want me to work so bad." to Dave.

19. What is the thing that you love about yourself the most? (It's ok. Be arrogant.) I like my wit, when it serves me.

20. If you had to choose between being committed into a mental institution or going to prison, which would you prefer? I guess that depends. Would I have a roomate?

21. Ever laughed at something that was morbidly wrong? My friend Chris Benson was constantly morbid, and yes, I laughed.

22. Would you have done the same thing as the Enron guy, if you could've gotten away with it? No, I probably wouldn't have been ruthless enough to think of that. A kick me sign was the best I could do.

23. Do you find the following things funny or unfunny:

24. Old people? Sometimes funny.

25. Slapstick comedy? Unfunny.

26. Mad TV? Unfunny.

27. Animal shows? Unfunny. And overdone.

28. Standup? SO funny.

29. Dave Chapelle? Occasionally funny.

30. Puns? Only late at night funny.

31. Freakish accidents? How freakish? Funny.

32. Racist jokes? Unfunny.

33. Incontinence? (Look it up if you have to) Funny if it isn't me.

34. Violent behavior? Unfunny.

35. Your Mom jokes? Always funny.

36. Random daily life situations? Funny.

37. Vandalism? Sometimes funny.

38. Misdemeanor crimes? Stick it to the man funny.

39. I Love Lucy? Unfunny.

40. Monkey bites? Unfunny.

41. Do you ever wonder if your life has a greater purpose? Every day.

42. Would you care if your life did have a greater purpose? Unless the purpose was martyrdom, then yes I would very much care.

43. Would you ever consider working at Wal-mart? Absolutely. Not.

44. Could you live in a foreign country without first learning the language? Heck yes. I would communicate through grunts and gestures.

45. If you were a prisoner about to be executed, what would your last request be? Can someone please spoon with me?

46. Did you play with dolls as a child? Yes.

47. What is your fondest wish? To live happily ever after and affect others positively.

48. Would you be a spy if you could be? Oh my gosh, yes.

49. If you could give yourself a Mafia gangster name, what would it be? Ronny " The Vendetta" Vespucci.

50. Who is John Gault anyway? Ask Nicole.