Articles They'll Never Let Me Write
"Loose BYU Girls and the RMs Who Date Them" - A focus piece on the girls that the BYU collar-popping dempgraphic secretly covets, and will only be seen with in Orem, apparently.
"Damn the Man: Why Beurocratic A**holes Are Allowed Parking Spaces Aplenty While I Park My Scooter and Walk" - An expose' on the recent shift of student motorcycle/moped parking into "faculty motorbikes only" spaces, which seem to be reserved for invisible, imaginary vehicles.
"Stephen Colbert is a God" - Why Stephen Colbert is more qualified to run for office than any of the ponces who are actually in the current running.
"Winter is Coming, I'd Rather Be In Hell" - This piece would be strictly editorial, you understand
"Halloween: Best Holiday Ever, or A Perfect Excuse to Dress Like a Skank Once a Year?" - In my opinion, both! (Of course, why limit it to only once a year when there are murder mystery parties!!?)
"Vote Obama" - He heh he...oh crap, here they come. Run!
"Why I Will Never Blog Conservative" - Much like a midget at a urinal, I'd best stay on my toes.
"The Dark Truth Behind the University's 'No Caffiene' Rule" - It turns out that caffiene and the mind-control agent that's already being injected into the soda on campus make a lethal mix when combined.
"Rape Hill" - If it's true that at least one rape occurs there per year, and that's not just an urban legend to frighten new freshmen into walking home in pairs, then why the hell haven't we paved it over already and made it into an incredibly well-lit Y Lot?
If you have any other ideas, feel free to pass them my way.
posted by Vandersun @ 1:27 AM
3 Comments:
*snicker* I love ya Vero.
"Rumors of the Clyde Building Shower Confirmed" and how the demanding engineering coursework distracts the students from bathing
"What's in the BYU Chocolate Milk Anyway?" Those mysterious, extra ingredients and how they keep the student population passive.
"Proof God Doesn't Exist" The price of a pint of chocolate milk has increased 50+% in six months, and if G*d really existed he'd never let such a heinous travesty occur which prevents grad students from their chocolate and calcium fix all in one.
"Freschetta Exposed" Why a 5", one-topping pizza at BYU costs the same as a 15", sureme at the grocery store.
Testing center is a place for the devil's workshop.
They should keep building 1 story parking lots, it's a great idea.
bomb every building except the JFSB and the front part of the library.
the hfac is a sanctuary from the cougars.
I know you've heard it before, but not from me. You are full of typing talent. Write, let the world read your words and feel life and all it's snickety goodness.
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