When Enough is Never Enough

Okay, so latest discovery: I have a very addictive personality. Now, I wish that meant people couldn't get enough of me and would sell their TVs and bodies just to get me, but that is just simply not the case. Unfortunately.

Anyway, the reason I have an addictive personality is obvious. I can't, repeat CAN'T just have something once. This applies to all facets of my life. Clothing, chocolate and cheesecake, TV shows, relationships, men, and kisses. Clothing because I love making a fresh first impression every time. Chocolate and cheesecake because, well, if you don't know what I mean you're freaking insane. TV shows (and books, too) because they are an ongoing story and I love getting caught up in ongoing stories. Old stagnant stories are boring. But movies rule. Tangents because I always make them interesting and I love randomness. Randomousity. Randomity. And, (if you couldn't tell I was avoiding this one) relationships. (The other two are in direct connection with this one so I shall explain them in due time.)

So why am I addicted to relationships? Why can't I be the kind of girl who just goes out and samples a little bit of everything? Why can I not be satisfied until I eat as much of the cake as I can without getting sick or vomiting? (And by now you should hopefully know that I'm not talking about actual cake) A lot of girls can feel a need for something, whether it be acceptance, attraction, danger, drama, whatever, and just go out and pick a random situation that temporarily solves their problem. For me, this is hardly enough. And so I usually choose not to take the easy way out. Okay I never have. Even though sometimes it seems like the quickest and most available solution to fix my loneliness by hooking up with a hot Australian man, or drown the pain of a lost love with alcohol, or hit something really hard, or just give up even, I seldom make it easy on myself. Why? Because for some reason, I am addicted to the hard way. Or, as might be more easily explained, the long way. I seem to have the need (in relationships) to go for the things that won't be quick or easy, but instead will be long term. This often means that crappy relationships are drawn out and take up waay too much of my time, or that I will spend months or years pining over someone that I should have long ago disposed of. Because, to tell you the truth, I think I am addicted to tedium. One date, one hug, one kiss, one glance. I just can't seem to let them slip away without chasing them down to see if they go anywhere, or in some cases riding them out amid all the things that make them seem impossible.

For some reason, I've never believed that "Happily Ever After" just has to happen. I have to make it happen. Or at least, follow it around for a while to make sure it isn't the real thing. I sometimes wonder (as if my heroines were actual people) if Sleeping Beauty stayed up all night after meeting Prince Phillip wondering how she was going to meet him again, just in case he was the one. Or if Cinderella cared whether or not the Ambiguous Prince followed her home. If Romeo hadn't climbed her balcony, would Juliet have had to climb his? Or would she have just waited it out? Maybe, if he hadn't proved up to the task, she would've settled for some hot second cousin instead, escaping her untimely fate and living a long and fruitful life? Perhaps we shall never know. Just like we may never know why I can't just leave well enough alone. Why can't I just settle for a taste, when in fact a mere taste is often much sweeter than the full experience?