The Curse of the Heated Tortilla Crisps

Okay, I must confess that I am in a state of great peevishness as this day comes to a close. I'm not going to go into all of the reasons why today totally blew, but sufficed to say, it did. Here was just one little tidbit:

For those of you who have not been yet graced with the pernicious tales of lassitude and cheapness associated with "Warm Chip Lady", let me fill you in. She is this woman who regularly comes into my place of employment and gives hell to whichever poor shmuck of a server is unfortunate enough to have her in their section. Today, I was the shmuck. Not only is she incredibly high-maintenance, demanding, and rude, but she is also freaking wierd if you ask me. Honestly, who goes into a restaurant and pays $5.00 for just a taco when they could get one equally good (no offense Los personnel) if not better, for only $0.59 at Taco Bell? That, plus unlimited refills and not having to tip anyone. Which would undoubtedly work out perfectly for her because she is the cheapest woman ALIVE. So anyway, she comes in, and Racherella thinks it'd be funny to put her in a different section and have me pick her up, assuming that I would immediately recognize her and get the joke. Sadly for me, I had not yet been fortunate enough to serve Warm Chip Lady, and so I continued on obliviously. Once I realized that she was indeed the infamous High Temperature Fried Tortilla Hag, I made it my personal mission to make her completely happy from moment one. I anticipated her every need, I rushed everything, I checked back with her every two and a half minutes to see if she needed anything else. My usually spectacular service even began to border the obsessively compulsive, slightly psychotic mien. But I cared not, because I was going to make it impossible for Mrs. Tepid Tortillas to have ANYTHING to complain about. I even made a personal goal that by the end of her meal she would actually give up her insolent ways and thank me for my kind and attentive service.

But apparently, the Mujer de las Fritas Caliente has been in the game much longer than I, and she protected herself well from my ongoing assault. Remaining on her cell phone almost the entire time, she effectively and nonchalantly repelled every one of my treatise for compassion. Then, when it came time to leave, she gave me barely enough cash to cover the bill, and then in a truly culpable act, the Fried Corn Whore actually requested change!!! She then proceeded to remove every last cent from the inner flap, leaving only a dollar. I ask you, are there just some people who are immune to human feeling? It was less than 10% of the total reciept! Injustice, I say!!! Maltreatment! Abuse!!!

I've decided that if I ever did become a manager (highly unlikely) I would wait until she came in again and then tell her "I'm sorry ma'am. But we reserve the right to refuse service to anyone we choose, and as you keep coming in here with a bad attitude, and consecutively tip our servers less than ten percent, no one wants to serve you. I can't force them to, because I'm just a manager. So I suggest you go to Taco Bell." This act would most likely cause me to be fired. But after today, I really think that it would be worth it.