What to do when your beached and a whale

Okay, so I recently read a rather depressing, slightly disturbing, but altogether hilarious remark from a dear friend and colleague of mine who I would like to refer to in this mean as "Chris". In a summary statement of his life at the moment, he inferred that his academic and financial careers were going swimmingly, but that, socially, he was somewhat of a beached whale. Now, nevermind the immediate mental picture that this invokes. What is clearly important is that this statement is not only ridiculous, (and a gross overeggageration of his size, for he is quite thin) but most definitely erronious. Chris, do me a favor and reexamine your situation. When you do, I feel that you will quite clearly see that when one finds oneself in the position of a beached whale, there is only one viable solution. Use your superior mass (of coolness) to roll over onlooking pedestrians and return to the tranquil blue of kicking back, relaxing, and realizing that you have many awesome friends such as myself who don't think you even remotely resemble a whale.